Where Have All The Decorations Gone?
by kazechyme
Summary: Christmas Eve has rolled around and it's Jack's time to shine! Everyone but General Hammond seems to be enjoying the 'festiveness'. What is the General planning? COMPLETE with an Expanded conclusion!
1. Default Chapter

**Where Have All The Decorations Gone?**

_A/N: Stargate and everything that belongs to it does not belong to me… Umm.. Happy Holidays everyone! I'll try to get this story done before the New Year comes._

Setting: Christmas Eve (Suspend your belief a whiles: they _do _work on this day)

Jack O'neill walked into this his basement. This was the day—The day of liberation!

XXXX

Daniel Jackson walked into his office and was about to sit down and jump into one of the ancient books they found att an old deserted site when he noticed what day it was.

"Oh no…" he uttered as the old book fell from his limp hands and hit the floor with a thump.

XXXX

Sam Carter revved up her motorcycle. She was going to have a field day testing out the new engine. She checked her watch to see how much time she had before returning to base.

She stopped and squinted at the date the watch displayed.

"Can't be…"

XXXX

Teal'c the Jaffa (hey, I had to give him some kind of long appellation) meditated in his room. The scent of candles pervaded every aspect of the area.

As he opened his eyes, he took a deep breath.

"The day has come. I must prepare."

XXXX

Jack finally clambered out of his basement and shielded his eyes from the sunshine.

"Tis the day!" he yelled out to the world, "Tis the day I decorate the SG with Christmas merriness!!!"

Well, he didn't actually yell out to the world because that would be against regulations to inform the whole world about the Stargate, but he certainly yelled it in his mind.

Never was Jack more gleeful and cheery than on this day.

Of course, with all this happiness surrounding one man during Christmastime, there is always definitely one man who must be the scrooge—the total opposite of this happiness. The scrooge this year, which was becoming more of a yearly tradition, was the one and only General Hammond.

"JACK!!!" he roared as he stomped through the SG. "Get that crazy, red-eyed reindeer out of my office!"

Jack seemed to pop out of nowhere and interestingly enough, it seemed people were nowhere to be found.

"D'oh!" Jack responded.

This response only intensified the "scroogeness" within the General.

"Is that the only thing you can say?" the bald man yelled.

"That's where I put ol' Rudolph!" Jack exclaimed, "Hey, gimme a hand with it. I'm putting it in front of the Gate."

General Hammond stared at him blankly at first and then his faced started to light up (like a light bulb!) in anger, "GET-IT-OUT!!!"

"Okay, okay," Jack said as he rushed to the office to retrieve his festive reindeer.

General Hammond stood in the hall with his hands combing through his imaginary hair.

"Sir!" Carter said from behind.

The General jumped at this and turned around, "Don't sneak up on me like that Major."

"Sorry," she replied, "Well, are you sure you want that decoration to stand in front of the Gate where it may be the first thing that any visitor from another world will see?"

"She's right y'know," Daniel said.

"Where are you?" Hammond said.

"Here!" he said as his head appeared from behind a tree. "Could somebody get me out of here?"

Teal'c happened to be walking by and seeing his good friend in distress, lifted the tree and placed it in the corner. He smiled at his decoration placement.

"O'neill would applaud me," he thought to himself.

"Thanks Teal'c," Daniel said and then turned to the General, "Don't, I beg you, let Jack put that defective Rudolph near the Gate! Visitors will probably think it's some kind of deformed Goa'uld!"

"How is it defective Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c inquired.

"Rudolph is a red-nosed reindeer, not the glowing-eyed reindeer," Daniel clarified.

Teal'c nodded in understanding.

"I'm going to make him throw out that reindeer! Along with all these other… distractions!" General Hammond said, pointing at the tree in the corner.

The three raised their eyebrows at the General.

"Sir, this is the one time where you allot him this freedom. You even guarantee it in his contract. If you take this away from him, it'll crush him," Sam said. "Aside from that, the decorations do add a bit of cheer to this place… I only wish the Colonel would just lower his festivity level down one notch…"

"Yeah, not to mention that it'll probably scar him for life if you threw any of his decorations away. He might never look at Christmas the same… this is the only thing he has," Daniel added. "Please, just tolerate him. We've all learned to."

Teal'c nodded. The three left the General to contemplate their words.

"Hmm… he might never look at Christmas the same…," he thought, "Thus… he'll never put these decorations up again!"

A slow smile began to creep upon his face, a smile most unpleasant, and the old scrooge turned from old scrooge to old grinch…

To Be Continued…


	2. Part II: Operation Feel GOOD

**Where Have All The Decorations Gone?  
Part II**

Disclaimer: Stargate, its characters, and anything else involved with it don't belong to me!

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews! First off, I realize that I must forewarn readers that they're stepping into "The O.C.(C Zone)", meaning that the characters won't be acting entirely like themselves. Secondly, I have nothing against General Hammond (I love the fella to death) and I know he isn't evil. I just like putting him in my stories. Anyway, happy holidays everyone!_

Setting: Christmas Eve Night; everyone has gone home to their nice cozy, warm beds… except for one man (well, usually it's Teal'c, but he went home with Jack) with a plan…

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the SG, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse (A mouse? A mouse?! Someone should really clean up this place…). Anyway, speaking of cleaning up the place… General Hammond sat in his office eyeing the tacky, neon lights that Jack had strewn all over the base.

"Too bright and too distracting…" he grumbled.

He stood up and grabbed the green wreath that hung on his door. (The wreath was browning on the edges, I might add.) He took a deep breath and threw it into the trash can. What was this he felt? A sense of relief? Happiness even? He grinned at the thought of it.

"That felt pretty good," he thought to himself, "Well then, it's time for operation: Feel Good."

The General stepped into the hall and grabbed the end of the lights. As he unstrung the strung lights, he grabbed each and every festive item he saw and tossed it into a gigantic bin. Strange items indeed. It ranged from a mechanical pirate Santa Claus to the marshmallow carpeting of the conference room. Eventually, General Hammond was holding a bundle of neon lights wrapped into a huge ball. The gigantic bin was filled with holiday cheer, not to mention some reports that he didn't have time for.

General Hammond let out a sigh.

"The final step of operation Feel Good," he said aloud as he stepped in front of the Gate.

The coordinates were dialed, the Gate lit up, and the shimmering blue circle came alive.

"Merry Christmas!" he hollered as he threw the ball of lights through the Gate.

He then pushed the gigantic bin through as well. As he turned around, he saw the Rudolph figure staring at him with its funky red eyes.

"You guide them on their way, Rudolph!" the General said with a hearty laugh as he took the reindeer and sadly, it met the same fate as the rest of the decorations.

With that, the Gate closed and the General was left smiling to himself.

"Operation Feel Good complete. Good job General," he said as he turned around and walked through the barren, stripped walls of the base. He headed home for a well needed rest.

XXXX

Jack O'neill yawned and stretched out his arms as he got out of bed. It was Christmas Day! By golly, Jack was so excited that he couldn't wait to get to the base and see his decorations in full glory. The Christmas party was going to be a blast, like it always was.

XXXX

Daniel Jackson got to the base with a Santa Claus hat on and a whole load of presents in his hands. As he walked into the base, he noticed that something was missing.

"Oh no…" he uttered as the presents fell from his limp hands and hit the floor with a loud crash, like glass breaking. (It was pretty expensive glass… Poor Danny…)

XXXX

Sam Carter arrived at the base and was revved up for all the festivities.

She stopped and squinted at the walls and everything around her.

"Can't be…"

XXXX

Teal'c arrived with Jack. He closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them. No, they weren't deceiving him.

He took a deep breath.

"O'neill, where is all the 'jolliness' that you spoke of?" he asked, disappointed.

Jack stood with his mouth agape.

"I finished everything yesterday night when everyone went home!" he said.

He began to frantically pace up and down the hall, looking for invisible decorations.

Soon, Teal'c followed Jack to the Gateroom. He wanted to see if his Rudolph was still there… Alas, as the two stepped into the room, they found that the reindeer was gone too!

"Wha—For crying out loud! This sucks!" he said as he banged his fist against the wall.

"I agree, Colonel O'neill," Teal'c said, trying to reassure him, although he had the faintest idea why this situation would be "drawing something in by or as if by exerting a suction force" _(note at end of story)_.

Jack was silent for a while. Then, he cleared his throat and prepared to do something he hadn't done in a while.

Meanwhile…

General Hammond sat in his office, smiling. He did it and there was nothing Jack could do about it! The inferno decorations were gone for good!

Then, he heard something.

"That's a noise that I simply must hear!" he thought.

He opened his door and put a hand to his ear. He did hear a sound. It started low and then it started to grow…

"I don't believe it," General Hammond said, "He's…"

To be continued!!!

_(this is the note:)_ definition of "suck" from Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary…


	3. Conclusion

**Where Have All The Decorations Gone?  
Conclusion**

Disclaimer: Once again, nothing of Stargate belongs to me.

_A/N: Hahaha… I just noticed that in Part II in the author's note I wrote "The O.C (C zone)". I meant "The (O)O.C. Zone". There's a community college around here that's called OCC… I get confused a lot… Anyhow, happy holidays and I hoped you've enjoyed this wacky story! (Sorry it's so short. I just remembered that I should be studying for exams. And so, I might write a "Conclusion Expansion" sometime next week or the week after. But, this is the story and this is how it is!)  
_

Setting: Christmas Day! the base

_Flashback_

"I don't believe it," General Hammond said, "He's…"

_Flash forward_

"He's SINGING!"

The General stepped a couple of feet out more and strained his ears to hear this noise.

"Wait, he's not singing. He's screaming!"

He dashed off toward the sound and ended up in the Gateroom where he saw Jack, on his knees, screaming at the top of his lungs like his soul had just been sucked out.

"For goodness sake son, get up! Pull yourself together!" General Hammond said as he walked over to him.

Pretty soon, the whole room was filled with spectators, who usually enjoyed Jack's little tantrums.

Teal'c had to pull the Colonel up to his feet.

"Jack, what has gotten into you?" the General said, knowing exactly what had gotten into poor Jack.

"Christmas is ruined!" he replied in a whiny voice and stamped his foot like a little boy who didn't get what he wanted.

Then, at that very moment, General Hammond realized something. He didn't hate decorations. He just hated _Jack's_ decorations.

"Heck, Christmas isn't over!" he said in a loud, booming voice so that all could hear, "Christmas isn't about seeing, it's about feeling! As long as we're all together, that's good enough for me!"

Jack's eyes began to light up and his sullenness was transformed into high voltage energy (eh… makes him sound like a battery). He grabbed the General's head and kissed him right smack on the forehead.

"You're right!" Jack yelled out, "You're right!"

Teal'c smiled at his friend's sudden happiness. Sam and Daniel joined Teal'c and watched as their favorite colonel bounced around yelling tidings of joy to everyone.

"You know," General Hammond said with a smile (nothing evil about it, mind you), "Even though we don't need them, we could still put decorations up."

Jack stopped and turned around, "I think I have some leftover decorations in my basement! I can make a Winter Wonderland in no time!"

The General didn't want to know what kind of "leftover" decorations Jack had. If they were leftover, they were probably more hideous than the ones that made it out here.

"NO!" he said, "Decorations will be put up on two conditions. One, we ALL decorate, not just Jack. Two, someone, anyone BUT Jack, picks out the decorations!"

Sam volunteered Janet to bring the decorations since the good Doctor hadn't arrived yet and called her to bring all the decorations she could fit into her car. And, of course, to bring Cassie along so she could decorate the SG tree… which soon became a yearly tradition.

And so… everyone on base was happy again and enjoying all the glorious festivities— even General Hammond. They danced the night away, exchanged gifts, and wished each other wishes of joyful delight!

Meanwhile… on a planet in a galaxy far, far away…

The red-glowing-eyed, hooved dictator sat on his throne of marshmellowy goodness with his henchman, the pirate Santa, sitting by his side. The people of this land were afraid of their brilliant new god. All through the night, they trembled as they heard a message echoing throughout the land:

_"Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night!"_

The End!

Happy Holidays!


	4. Conclusion: Expansion

**Where Have All the Decorations Gone?**_  
Conclusion: Expansion_

Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own anything of Stargate (characters, locations, etc.)… nothing yet…

A/N: Well, I completed this story but decided that it should have an expanded part at the end to make it a little longer! Er… It didn't turn out like I hoped it would, but **Enjoy and Happy Holidays** (Can you believe it's already 2005?!)! Btw, this is when Cassie was still young.

* * *

_Sam volunteered Janet to bring the decorations since the good Doctor hadn't arrived yet and called her to bring all the decorations she could fit into her car. And, of course, to bring Cassie along so she could decorate the SG tree…_

"Hey Janet!" Sam greeted her.

Janet walked in with a grin and a jolly Santa cap on her head. Behind her came running an excited little girl with a silver garland in her hand who couldn't wait to decorate everything in shininess and colorful colors.

"Cassie!" Jack said as he scooped her up in his arms, "You wanna put those on the tree?"

"Sure! You can help me!"

While the two went to work on sprucing up the tree, Janet and Sam began to decorate the other areas of the SGC.

"Where'd you get all these… things?" Sam asked as she put up a fresh green wreath on a door.

Janet gestured for Sam to come closer and whispered, "I've always wanted to decorate the base and so I've hoarded all these decorations secretly hoping that the Colonel would forget his yearly Christmas tradition… I guess this year was a miracle."

Sam nodded, "I guess it was a miracle."

Meanwhile, Daniel and Teal'c had finished setting up the food table and were busy drinking some hard earned eggnog.

"Teal'c," Daniel said as he eyed the empty cups by the big guy's arm, "How much did you drink?"

Teal'c drank down another cup of eggnog and set it down next to his other empty cups. He gazed at them like they were trophies.

"I believe that would be eleven cups, including the cup that I will drink--" he said as he paused, took a fresh new cup of eggnog, chugged it down, and placed it with the others, "—now."

Daniel's eyes widened and he had to push his glasses back up.

"Teal'c, do you know that there's some alcohol in this eggnog? Well, there's a very low, low alcohol level but, it's still alcoholic!"

Teal'c looked down at his now twelfth empty cup of eggnog and then back at Daniel.

"Indeed," replied as he put the cup down and wandered over to the seats next to the Christmas tree.

Fortunately for Teal'c, Jack and Cassie finished decorating the tree and topped it off with a miniature replica of the Stargate with blinking lights. Who knows how they acquired something like that!

Anyway, Cassie had run off to join Janet and Sam who were currently in conversation with Daniel.

"What's the matter T?" Jack asked as he placed his hand on Teal'c's shoulder.

"O'neill, I have accidentally consumed alcohol. Yet, I find that it does not affect me."

"Uh, whaddya mean? I don't see any booze around," Jack said as he looked around, hoping to find some.

"Daniel Jackson has informed me that eggnog has trace amounts of alcohol and I have consumed twelve cups," Teal'c replied.

"There's no alcohol in there!" Jack exclaimed, "Oho, Danny boy's got his information all egged up."

Teal'c nodded immediately, "If there is truth in your words, I must continue to pursue consuming eggnog."

Before Jack could say anything about this odd logic, Teal'c left to "pursue consuming eggnog". The Colonel just shrugged and looked around. His eyes rested on the jolly, rosy cheeked bald man—General Hammond.

"Well, I'm guessing you're enjoying yourself? With these new decorations?" Jack said as he offered the General a small stocking filled with candy.

He took it graciously and smiled, "Of course I am."

"You know, I wonder what happened to my old decorations?"

Hammond felt somewhat guilty now and seeing the eyes of the Colonel soften a bit when he mentioned the decorations, he felt that he had to confess.

"Jack, about your decorations, the truth is—"

"_Don't_ tell me what happened to it. I was just wondering for a little moment. Now, let's fill ourselves with a little holiday cheer by the snack table."

General Hammond patted Jack on the back as they headed to the table. However, before they could get to the food, Daniel stood in their way, looking a bit tipsy.

"Hey, look at my two favorite military men! I have to thank you for putting up with Jack all year," Dr. Jackson drunkenly said to General Hammond and then looked at Jack, "And you, Jack, are like the older—_older_—brother, or come to think of it, even uncle, yeah, older uncle that I've never had!"

With that, he encased the General and the Colonel in a big hug.

"Daniel. Daniel!" Jack barked as Daniel slumped away from them and leaned on the table for support.

"What is the matter with you son?" Hammond asked, worriedly.

"One too many eggnog glasses?" Jack offered sarcastically.

"By George, I think he's got it!" Daniel said as he chuckled and took a sip of eggnog.

Jack took the cup away from him, "Daniel, there is no alcohol in here."

Daniel gave him a puzzled expression, "You're joking."

"Not this time, Danny boy. Ya think Doc would let Cassie drink this stuff if there was alcohol in it?" Jack said as he pointed at Cassie who was drinking eggnog and Janet standing right beside her.

Daniel no longer slouched and straightened himself up. He cleared his throat. There was a very awkward silence between the three.

"Older uncle? I'm not that old am I?" Jack asked.

"I'm going to go break the news to Teal'c," Daniel said as he dashed off to the other end of the table to join his buddy Teal'c.

General Hammond looked at Jack, "I guess this will be one of those Christmases that you'll never forget."

"Never forget," Jack said and quickly added, "I'm not _that _old, right?"

Hammond only answered with a hearty laugh.

Janet blasted up the holiday music and soon the SGC was alive with the warmth and joy of all of its members: Sam and Cassie worked on getting Jack to dance. Janet worked on convincing Daniel that he was not, in fact, inebriated. Teal'c worked on drinking off all the eggnog whilst the other SGC personnel cheered him on. And finally, General Hammond worked on trying not to work and to enjoy the moment—which he gladly did.

_And so… everyone on base was happy again and enjoying all the glorious festivities— even General Hammond. They danced the night away, exchanged gifts, and wished each other wishes of joyful delight!_

_Meanwhile… on a planet in a galaxy far, far away…_

_The red-glowing-eyed, hooved dictator sat on his throne of marshmellowy goodness with his henchman, the pirate Santa, sitting by his side. The people of this land were afraid of their brilliant new god. All through the night, they trembled as they heard a message echoing throughout the land:_

"_Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night!"_

_The End!_

_Happy Holidays!_


End file.
